That Clawing Ache in the Pit of My Stomach

Hi Internet People,

Okay, seriously I think the news media is killing me. Every day I get up, I go about my day, I check social media, and even on days where I wake up thinking today could be a good day, there is some terrible report about something that makes me feel an aching pit in my stomach. I was already stressed pre-election and with the election ending the way it did I am exhausted and panicky every day. If you hadn’t guessed I am a liberal minded person and yes, I voted for Hilary Clinton. This isn’t about who I voted for, heck it isn’t even about who you voted for, it is literally about all the crap that keeps appearing in the news and how I don’t understand how more people aren’t scared.

There have been reports and articles about the rise in hate crimes, and even if they aren’t happening around you, they are still happening. People are still being attacked, threatened, and harassed for who they are. I have seen multiple discussions of the rise in white supremacist speech, which terrifies me. Yes, I am a white woman living in the Midwest, and even with a rise in vocalizations of anti-everything speech, I personally will probably be safe overall. I don’t go out, I don’t talk to many people at work, and while I support causes my discussions online are minimal. I want to help people, I want to make sure that people are safe, but I am weak and scared. That weakness, that fear, it doesn’t help anyone. I know that, I do, I wish I were stronger, I wish I were braver, and I wish I could help people more.

I turn 26 this week and all I keep thinking is does it even matter? Will anything matter as things seem to get worse even before the presidency starts? It doesn’t matter what he wants to do, it really doesn’t. He’s the president and can’t unilaterally do anything based on the system we have in place, at least in most cases. What I am terrified of is that the American people will become more violent, that those who once felt at least a modicum of safety will have that torn away, that they will have to hide or act as though they agree with things that they don’t. I had thought that my country was making strides, that we were becoming a place where all people could be accepted for who they are, but the more I read the more I think that I should never have hoped.

I need to be stronger and be braver because I need to help, I need to do more, but I’m just not sure how. If you find this and you are scared I understand, I do, because the world is getting scarier every day and even though they say it will get better I worry that it never really will.

Talk to ya tomorrow,

Katherine

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